ARE YOU ASKING ME ON A DATE?
About 2 years ago, the idea came to me to create a business, for singles, who want to maximize their dating experience. To prepare for my new venture, I felt I needed a good social media presence. So, I started an Instagram account. It became clear, very quickly, I had no idea what I was doing. In the past, I didn't have much interest in social media. Facebook was my only app and I used it to stay connected with family and friends. This whole Instagram thing was a new can of worms and growing an audience was a much more difficult task than I expected, actually. How do you connect with strangers? Sex? Humor? Fashion? Well, fashion was out. I know nothing about that and am too lazy to follow the new trends. So, sex and humor it is!
I've worked with clients, customers and patients in very close proximity for years, so I’m no stranger to inappropriate comments and suggestions. I've heard it all. Rarely offended, I can handle most of the innuendos and dick pics that come through the DMs. While I expected most of that, due to my adult content, I wasn't prepared for all the guys that get pushy to meet. In fact, I’ve had some guys that get downright nasty about it.
Here’s what I always tell them...Instagram is not a dating site. It’s advertised as a site to display your art, share memes, show your pics and talk about your experiences. I politely mention I don’t date and am focused on my career right now. This always leads to - I’m not asking you out on a date…I just wanna hang out and get a drink sometime. HUH?
You're asking to spend time with me, but it’s not a date? You just want to see me socially, because you're attracted to me and enjoy my sense of humor, but it's not a date?
What the hell is a date, then?????
Let's take a moment to break down the definition, or idea, of a date because there is much confusion on this matter.
Wikipedia says- “Dating is a stage of romantic relationships whereby two people meet socially with the aim of each assessing the other's suitability as a prospective partner in a future intimate relationship.”
OR
A date is an appointment to meet someone or go out with them, especially someone with whom you are having, or would like to have, a romantic relationship.
It seems to me, the proposal of just ‘hanging out’ provides some form of emotional safety net. You aren't really asking for any commitment and therefore it’s not meant to be taken as seriously as asking someone on a formal date. When asking for a hang out, if they say "No Thanks", you just say - OK, no biggie, let me know if you're bored and want to grab a drink sometime. Integrity intact, we can still be friends. If you ask for a formal date, you have clearly set the intention as that of a romantic one. If you get turned down, you have to come to terms with being rejected. Hits a little harder on the ego, right?
Certainly, most of us really want to skip to the- sweatpants and pizza on the couch, part of dating. Just get straight to the 'what time do you want me to come over' part of dating. You know, get through those stress filled first date moments and move right into the comfortable, no makeup and chill moments. Yes?
But you know what? If I find someone that I'm jiving with, I want to go on a date. I want someone who is willing to take the risk. Make solid plans, find somewhere fun to meet. Get nervous and have a mini anxiety attack over how the date will go. All that new relationship stuff. And, at this point in my life, I won't entertain anyone new that doesn't want to do that with me. Serious applicants only! In my experience, those informal situations go nowhere and I'm not interested in wasting my time. Hangouts are for friends and if I say let's hangout, without calling it a date, that is how I view you, as a friend.
