About five years ago, I became a newbie in the dating game. I had been with my ex since the age of 21, so online dating, or dating in general, was a whole new world. Like a scientist, figuring out a formula, I would apply different tactics to connect. Humor and sarcasm are, of course, my favorites. Less likely, would I use sex, or suggestive talk. I found out pretty quickly that giving too much, too fast, was always a mistake. When conversation goes from friendly to frisky, you can't turn back, it becomes an expectation. In general though, I discovered that the biggest obstacle in getting to the first date is- starting a conversation with a stranger.
We've all struggled with how to attract someone new. Finding commonalities and starting from scratch, with a person you've never met, is a challenge for anyone. I don't know about you, but it's pretty rare to engage with someone online and the conversation just flows. Oftentimes, it starts off quite bland...How are you, how was your day, what do you like to do for fun, do you have a hobby? Blah, blah, blah. It can be pretty boring stuff, but yet we continue the conversation. Maybe they're really cute and you're hoping they suddenly develop a personality? Maybe they have a great profile and look like they'll be compatible in other ways? And sometimes, we’re just bored and attention from someone is better than from no one.
But when the conversation seems to go nowhere, how long do you try before you give up and move on to the next?
I can talk to almost anyone. Working in healthcare and as a hairstylist for many years, it’s been my job to be able to connect with a variety of people on a variety of subjects. I’m pretty freakin good at it. But, I have definitely been on dates where if I didn't say anything, I'm not sure anyone would. Not everyone possesses the gift of gab and it takes two to tango, as they say. Being on a date with someone you don’t mesh with verbally, makes for a long night.
While finding a mate that you can have fun and easy conversation with is wonderful, would you be willing to forgo good communication for other attributes?
Honestly, how well someone can banter has become a major metric in how I scale my dates. Great conversation scores big points and, if you can make me laugh….opps, how are my clothes off? While not a guarantee for anything long term, guys that can keep me chatting will almost always get a second date. Linguistic skills go far with me, but that doesn't always mean I’m hooked. I have dated a couple guys that the conversation component was lacking, but they had other qualities that I found very appealing; work ethic, thoughtfulness, honesty and, let’s not forget, good old fashion sex appeal.
So, maybe not all couple’s potential of longevity is based on verbal skills? Perhaps some couples can thrive on other needs being met, regardless of how well they chit chat. At the end of the day, are you looking for someone you can talk to; do you want your mate to be your bestie? Or, already have a bestie and value a mate who provides financial stability, strong parenting skills, or emotional reliability? We all have different checklists, I suppose. While most relationship experts agree that good communication is a top priority, we all perceive that standard uniquely. It could mean lots of texts or phone calls throughout the day, being a great listener, or even just a simple -Hi, miss you, how's your day? Personally, my own communication skills waiver from day to day. I talk plenty at work, so sometimes, just having a nice quiet night of wine and physical communication is all I need.
